randomess

Tomorrow is the 4 month anniversary of my blog.  I realize 4 months isn’t really an anniversary and maybe most people don’t think about how long they’ve been writing their blog in terms of “anniversary’s”. 

I didn’t think I would actually stick with writing the blog.  I started it because a friend has one and she suggested it.  Once I actually wrote the first post, the others came easier.  Some days I’d like to focus the material of the blog on more relavent cultural issues.  Other days all I can seem to manage are personal anecdotes about my life.  I don’t know if it’s a good mix or not.  Maybe I should pick one and stick with it.  Or maybe I should stop overanalyzing for once in my life and just go with it.  

Re-reading some of the past posts has been interesting.  My very first post was a ‘coming out’ post of sorts.  It set the stage for what the blog would look like.  Since that day in the bookstore, I’ve been able to buy LGBT books without fear (okay, with significantly less fear) of what people would think.  I still have my days of wanting to crawl back into the closet as witnessed in a recent post, but it’s better than it was. 

I went through the crush from hell, finding myself on a roller coaster I didn’t know how to get off of.  Well, the ride ended and I’m glad to be done with it.   I’m still struggling with my sexuality, but I think it’s getting better.  I have an appointment today with a therapist who specializes in LGBT issues.  My only hesitation about going is that the therapist is a male.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  I suppose time will tell. 

One of the best things about writing this blog has been communicating with other bloggers.  I’ve met some interesting, supportive, and wonderful people writing this blog, one of which I get to meet in person very soon! 

It’s hard to say what this blog will look like in the next few months.  Everything in my life is about to change.  Literally.  I will be living by myself for the first time in over 5 years.  I start graduate school full-time.  My job is changing.  I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified.  Right now, I’m leaning more towards terrified. 

I will be out of the country for the next week.  I will have internet access, so if time allows, maybe I’ll write a blog about my adventures (or lack there of as the case may be).  Either way I look forward to writing when I get back!  Thanks for the blog support over the last several months!

I had a conversation with a friend (more of an acquaintance, actually) today.  He saw me at work and commented on my new haircut.  He jokingly said “You should let me take you out some time”.  I laughed and this is how the rest of the conversation went:

Me (laughing):  Thanks for the offer, but I don’t date boys anymore.
Him (also laughing):  Me neither.
Me (laughing more):  Good one.
Him:  You’re not serious, are you?
Me (not laughing any more):  Yes, I’m serious.  We had this conversation, remember?
Him:  No.
Me:  A bunch of us were talking about having gone out to the gay bar the night before and you said ‘why would you go there?’ and I said ‘why not?’ and you said ‘well, who’s gay?’ and I said ‘I am’.
Him:  I thought you were kidding.
Me:  Nope, I was serious.
Him:  You’re messing with me.
Me:  Believe what you want.
Him:  You’re not kidding?
Me:  Nope, but whatever.  Believe what you want.
Him:  Give it a couple of months.  It’ll pass.
Me:  Yeah, I don’t think it will.
Him:  So, you’re serious?
Me:  Yep.

It went around like this for another minute or so and then he had to go and I had to get back to work.

Maybe his shock and awe and assumption that this is a passing phase should bother me.  It doesn’t.  I didn’t really expect anything different from him.  We’ve had conversations in the past about his sexuality and how he feels his past relationships with men are against God’s law or whatever.  He’s trying to be straight.  I guess that’s his right, even if I don’t understand it. 

I saw an old friend yesterday.  While we were catching up on each other’s lives I mentioned my past crush on cg.  My friend totally just listened, asked questions, and responded as if I’d told her about a crush on a man.  Shortly after that I jokingly said, “well, I guess I’ve come out”.  We laughed and it was casual and I couldn’t have asked for a better response from a friend.  I was feeling pretty good about myself and the whole coming out process in general.

Later in the day I was hanging out with friends whom I’ve already come out to.  Friends that I trust and really have no fear about talking about any of this with.  I was telling them the story above and one asked if I’d figured out what I identify as (bisexual or lesbian).  I completely avoided the question.  It’s not that I was afraid of judgement or anything negative at all.  Part of it was that maybe I don’t have the answer yet.  Sometimes I think I do.  I’m not really attracted to men at all.  Other times I’m confused and not sure what label fits me best. 

And all of this has gotten me thinking about labels.  I’m not a big fan of labels, in general.  I think they can be helpful in a number of situations, but I also think they can be harmful.  I think they serve to put people in boxes a lot of times.  Even if the label fits, what happens when the person steps outside of that box?  Why do we as a society, and as individuals, feel the need to label everyone and everything? 

Did you know that May is National Masturbation Month?  Seriously.  I had no idea there was a whole month devoted to the art of masturbation. 

From what I can find, it looks as if National Masturbation Month was started in 1995 by Good Vibrations.  Earlier that year, the Surgeon General, Dr. Joycelyn Elders was fired for saying that masturbation should be discussed in sex education classes.  In response, Good Vibrations began celebrating National Masturbation Month as a way to raise awareness about and promote masturbation as a means of safe, healthy, and fun sexual exploration. 

In honor of this month, here’s some information…

Did you know there is a Masturbation Hall of Fame?  Check it out.

Good Vibrations hosts an annual Masturbate-a-Thon to raise money for the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco.  Participants ask people to sponsor them for every minute they masturbate one day during the month (this year it’s May 27th). 

There are a crapload of slang terms for masturbation.  Many can be found here.  Here is a short list…
Male Masturbation Slang Terms
Answer the Bone-A-Phone, Beating Off, Bleed the Weed, Boppin’ Your Bologna, Buffing the Banana, Changing Your Oil, Cracking the Fat, Devil’s Handshake, Doodle Whacking, Five Against One, Fondle the Fig, Hitchhike Under the Big Top, Jiggle the Jewelry, One Man Tug-O-War, Peel the Carrot, Pudwhacking, Punchin’ the Munchkin, Sending out the Troops, Tease the Weasel, Tickle the Elmo, Whack Off, Wonk Your Conker, Yank Your Crank
Female Masturbation Slang Terms
Airing the Orchid, Beat the Beaver, Carpet Bumping, Clam Bake for One, Digging a Trench, Fanning the Fur, Finger painting, Going Mining, Hitchhiking South, Jillin’ Off, Muffin Buffin’, Nulling the Void, Parting the Red Sea, Play the Clitar, Pushing the Button, Squeeze the Peach, Teasing the Kitty, Tickling the Taco, Tiptoe Through the Twolips, Two Finger Taco Tango

Statistically, 2,040,816 women in the world are masturbating at any given time (based on the number of women in the world, the percentage of women who admit to masturbating, the frequency of masturbation, and the average amount of time spent masturbating).

Historically, masturbation has been seen as taboo (and let’s face it…it still is).  In the 1800’s and even into the early 1900’s, girls were forced to wear rough steel-like gloves to bed and put a powder on their genitals that made it painful to touch.  Boys were forced to wear chastity belts to bed that made erections painful (and difficult to achieve).  Children were taught that masturbation caused blindness, insanity, and illness. 

Benefits to masturbation:  relieves stress, relieves menstrual cramps, helps aid insomnia, releases mood-elevating hormones, stimulates the immune system (who knew?)…

Some of this information came from this website. 

So, there you go.  Some basic and random information in honor of National Masturbation Month.  Do with it what you will